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Is Winning Everything

Page history last edited by Keith Schoch 9 years, 4 months ago


I enjoyed reading your Winning is Everything essays. I see lots of growth since our first attempts at persuasive writing.


I've listed some common errors which I noted as I read over the writing samples. Use this list to not only edit and revise your Winning essay, but to also improve future writing assignments.


  • Use specific examples in your support paragraphs. People will understand your reasons better if you provide them with examples they can picture in their minds. In this particular assignment, you should have provided anecdotes or illustrations from sports or history or your life experience. Who says that a personal example even needs to be true?


  • At the beginning of each support paragraph, tell the reader that you're giving a new reason. This is clearly shown on the Purple Cheat Sheet when it says, "One problem is that..." and later, "Another problem..." Readers, and scorers, will look for these signal words that show your writing is organized.


  • Instead of using you as the subject of a sentence (which makes your writing in the second person), use a third person subject. Instead of "If you won a game by cheating, would you really feel like a winner?" you might write "If a U12 (under age 12) soccer team won a championship by using a 13 year-old player, should they feel like winners?"


  • You can't disagree with questions. If you are asked, "Is winning everything?" and then write, "I disagree," it makes no sense. You cannot disagree with a question. If someone says, "Is chocolate the best flavor?" you wouldn't agree, or disagree. You would instead state your own opinion.


  • When possible, avoid the following weak words: was, is were, got, can, have, has, should, there, are, be, had. Instead of, "There are many things to learn from losing," you might say, "Losing teaches a team about their weaknesses, and helps them to correct those weaknesses."


  • Edit all sentences which include there are, there is, there were, there was. Instead of "There are many rewards for winning," you might write "Winning brings many rewards."


  • Discard time wasting words like Well, Now, things, stuff, and etc.


Need another sample persuasive essay? Check out this model.


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